Identity Crisis... or something like that...

I think I've been having an identity crisis. Or at least as an artist. I've not really been entirely sure what I want to do with my life, or where I'm going as a writer, or if I'm even going anywhere as a writer. It's been a rough couple of months, especially after spending almost a month not quite sure where I was going to come up with money for food the next week, and failing to get a hold of a job. Add on some drama, and I've been under a lot of stress lately. Definitely has not made writing easy.

Today, though, has been different. I'm not sure what it is. Sure, some of the drama has been removed, but that drama has been effectively replaced. Something just clicked, and I feel like I'm gearing up for something. I've had an idea I though dead renew itself. I'm also really starting to get into scriptwriting. I think I might look into pursuing that further.

I'm still not sure where I'm going, but I feel like I'm going somewhere, and, for now, that's enough for me.

Be on the lookout for a review for Bertolt Brecht's Galileo when I've gotten it written.

Script Review: Sister Calling My Name

So for my scriptwriting class that I'm taking, we have to write a report on each of the theatre's productions, so I figured "why not post it on here?"

I would like to emphasize that this is dealing strictly with what I could gather of the script itself from watching the play, and does not, in fact, reflect my opinions of the acting, directing, or any other facet of the production that is not the script itself. As I say at the end, I thoroughly enjoyed the play, thought the actors did really well(especially the actress playing Lindsay. That was disturbingly amazing work. Kudos to you, Grace), and I was impressed with Dave's directing. I thought he pulled it off exceptionally well.

Sorry, I've had people mistake my script critiques as being directed at the actors before, and I just want to keep from being murdered :P. So, without further ado:

Buzz McLaughlin’s Sister Calling My Name is an intense, dramatic script that deals with questions of basic humanity, creativity, and faith. It follows the journey of Michael as he is forced to face his past and struggle with his own feelings of guilt, regret, and anger, and ultimately reunite with his sister.

At the beginning of the show, Michael informs the audience of what it was like for him growing up with a sister who was diagnosed with both schizophrenia and mental retardation. He glosses over a few disturbing stories of life with his sister. During his entire monologue, and most of the show, for that matter, Lindsey, his sister, interjects with a random phrase or word, indicating her intentions and desires.

The script makes liberal use of flashback, using it to slowly unravel the history of Michael and Lindsay, albeit in a non-chronological fashion. The quick changes in scene and time are done relatively well, and, with a small number of exceptions, are not all that hard to follow.

Perhaps the greatest weakness at play here is the “preachiness” of the show. It is stated quite bluntly that Michael has rejected God, blaming him for the hardships that he is put through due to his sister’s condition. The character of Sister Anne, Lindsay’s guardian and caregiver, serves as the moral compass of the show, guiding Lindsay to God, and striving to bring Michael back into the fold despite his initial refusal and cynicism.

Michael is a wholly unsympathetic character; or would be if not for the highly traumatizing experiences that he endured as a child. He is cynical and depressed, due to both the torment of his memories and the mid-life crisis he is going through because of losing his job and divorcing his wife.

Sister Anne is underdeveloped, though her past relationship with Michael before becoming a nun makes for an interesting dynamic. It also serves as a bridge to allow her into Lindsay’s trust.

Lindsay herself appears to be used as little more than a prop; the character in the background muttering about her paintings and desire to give them to her brother. Despite a few truly disturbing glances into the darker corners of her psyche, the character is mostly sympathetic when given center stage, displaying a child-like mentality and sense of joy and wonder.

The plot slowly begins building towards a dramatic climax of brother and sister meeting again for the first time in twenty years, the former harboring detest for the latter, who only wants to be loved. Unfortunately, this tension is dispelled the moment Lindsay steps onstage while Michael is spreading her art all over the floor, finally coming to terms with his emotions relating to his sister. All of his previous hatred and degradation of her is completely forgotten as he embraces her, and he instantly forgives both her and God, as well as Sister Anne, despite her manipulating him to see his sister.

Altogether, this isn’t a bad play, and is definitely thought provoking if the over-optimistic ending can be overlooked. It raises some interesting questions about value of life, defining humanity, and even the role of God in the tragedies of our lives. It could be served by stronger character development, and a less preachy tone, but it serves its apparent intended purpose well.

Recollections and self-revelation

As I look back on my life over the last 20.5 years, I realize that there are two events that changed me. I don't mean minor events like graduating high school, going to college, finding that one all-important girl(though that has been a significant factor in my life lately). I mean two major, earth-shattering, fundamentally life-altering events. The first occurred ten years ago yesterday, when I watched the World Trade Center towers come crashing down.

I didn't fully understand the significance of that event at the time, and still don't really understand the symbolism for people who grew up seeing those two towering monuments dominating the New York City skyline. But it was a significant enough tragedy that it shook me in some way. I actually started caring about what was on the news, what was going on in politics, and world affairs. But as time went on, people seemed to care less and less about that event, while I was still affected by it. It disgusted me that people could be so forgetful about something like that. How could they go back to fighting and arguing and not remember what had been done? Everything is so polarized now that it's hard to imagine that for two, almost three years, this country had a united purpose, a common goal. Now it's "blame Bush this" and "socialism that" and "Barack Obama" and it goes on and on and on.

The disillusionment from that combined with other events in my life and made me a cynic. Where as before I was that gung-ho patriotic middle-schooler, and now I'm this twenty-year-old college student that only associates with people that I actually care about.

That all being said, I'd like to take this moment to thank the firemen, police officers, and emergency medical technicians, especially those that served in New York City that day. May God bless not only those who fell on that day, but the days following, the days leading up to it, the years since, and the years before. There is no greater love than this. I'd also like to say thank you to those serving in the armed forces. They and their families sacrifice a lot for this country, and they don't get enough in return. I pray for the families of those who died during the attacks. And guess what? Next week, I'll still be thinking about this. Will you?

The second life changing event was when my dad passed, but that's a story for another post.

S.S.D.D.

I really wish this was a lot simpler than it is. I've got so much on my mind right now, and this whole apartment thing is taking the forefront. On the one hand: I like living in an apartment, hate living in the dorms, I feel like I have a good thing going here, Matt and Johnny really kinda need me to stick around to help pay rent, and they're counting on it. On the other hand: my mom thinks I should move into the dorms, my girlfriend's dad thinks I should move into the dorms, I'm unemployed right now, and I owe Matt a good deal of money right now. I'll owe Matt money whatever I do, and I could handle the money stuff. It's just that my mom really thinks I need to go back to the dorms. I hate that everybody is expecting everything from me, and I wish that I could just make it stop.

And the other thing on my mind is the fact that I haven't been able to talk to Kate for more than fifteen minutes at a time. It's driving me crazy, and I'm starting to think that maybe it's not just coincidence or unintentional. I understand some of her dad's issues, but he's not very consistent. Telling me it's my responsibility to take care of my mom, who is already taken care of, but at the same time threatening to charge his own daughter rent? Where the Hell does that add up? It's not like my being home and working a dead end job is going to help my mom any. And what if I do drop out of college (which would be going against my dad's wishes, by the way), and he finds some other problem with me? What if there's a deeper root than just the fact that I'm not supporting my mom? What then?

Right now, I need to be able to focus on my school and getting the bills paid, but at the same time, I have to fight tooth and nail to prove that I deserve to be dating his daughter. I'll fight, because she's worth that much, but some days it feels like a losing battle, and I just want it to end. But I can't. I can't do that to her. She's counting on me to see this thing through, and I refuse to let her down.

Well, I guess that's enough of my whining and moaning and self pity. Somebody call me the whaaaaambulence.

Adventures in Laundry and Technology

Last night I tried something that seemed neat: SMS blogging. Unfortunately it didn't work out so well, and the formatting was weird. Not to mention that the text itself wasn't translated properly, leading to a string of jumbled text. Oh well. On to more productive things.

At the moment I'm at a laundromat. I don't think I've ever been able to fit all my clothes into one washer before. Cost me 3.50 plus another .75 for the detergent, and I still have to use the dryer. Should've taken Johnny's advice and snuck onto a Nejam complex and used their laundry rooms... Meh, you live you learn. Shouldn't need to do laundry again before the 20th, and probably not until after. So not looking forward to the fight for laundry machines :|

So that's .25 for the dryer. So it comes out to 3.75 for the wash and dry and .75 for the detergent, adding up to 4.50 :/ But I still have some money to grab food if I get hungry at a later point, which is good.

At the moment, I'm hoping for an extra $450 by the beginning of October. Be nice to surprise Kate, especially since the day fall break starts, she has an endurance race. Be really cool to just show up at the finish line waiting for her.

Well, my laundry is done, so I have to go. I need a catch phrase to end these with, now. Hmm...

The way things are

So things are taking a turn for the interesting. Living in an apartment for the time being, which costs almost $1K in rent alone. Don't have a job as of yet, but had a promising interview that I'm optimistic about. We'll see where it goes.
My mom thinks it's best if I go back to the dorms this semester, so that's what I'm gonna do(Sorry, Matt, if this is how you're finding out. I obviously forgot to tell you). It sucks, but that's the way the dice roll. Maybe we'll try again next semester, if Matt isn't too pissed at me.
I'm getting back into writing after a summer of writer's block, and it's going pretty well. Though my characters tend to get out of hand sometimes O.O One of them has developed a pretty dirty mouth, a taste for alcohol, and a penchant for violence.
I should try writing a song or two. Not quite sure how to go about this, but I'm gonna take a stab at it. Maybe I'll learn something. Who knows? Well, this is all for now. See you all next time

Update for those who may care.

K, so it's been an interesting couple of semesters. Since my last post I've gotten a girlfriend, and I'm almost done with my sophomore year of college. Half way done! Or it would be... See, I've decided to pick up a second major. History. Except it's not a double MAJOR it's a double DEGREE. So I'm looking at graduating in three years with a B.F.A. in Creative Writing, and a B.A. in History. It also means about 10 hours of electives, relatively. Anyway, that's where I'm at now, for those back home who have been wondering. Try to keep up writing more.