S.S.D.D.

I really wish this was a lot simpler than it is. I've got so much on my mind right now, and this whole apartment thing is taking the forefront. On the one hand: I like living in an apartment, hate living in the dorms, I feel like I have a good thing going here, Matt and Johnny really kinda need me to stick around to help pay rent, and they're counting on it. On the other hand: my mom thinks I should move into the dorms, my girlfriend's dad thinks I should move into the dorms, I'm unemployed right now, and I owe Matt a good deal of money right now. I'll owe Matt money whatever I do, and I could handle the money stuff. It's just that my mom really thinks I need to go back to the dorms. I hate that everybody is expecting everything from me, and I wish that I could just make it stop.

And the other thing on my mind is the fact that I haven't been able to talk to Kate for more than fifteen minutes at a time. It's driving me crazy, and I'm starting to think that maybe it's not just coincidence or unintentional. I understand some of her dad's issues, but he's not very consistent. Telling me it's my responsibility to take care of my mom, who is already taken care of, but at the same time threatening to charge his own daughter rent? Where the Hell does that add up? It's not like my being home and working a dead end job is going to help my mom any. And what if I do drop out of college (which would be going against my dad's wishes, by the way), and he finds some other problem with me? What if there's a deeper root than just the fact that I'm not supporting my mom? What then?

Right now, I need to be able to focus on my school and getting the bills paid, but at the same time, I have to fight tooth and nail to prove that I deserve to be dating his daughter. I'll fight, because she's worth that much, but some days it feels like a losing battle, and I just want it to end. But I can't. I can't do that to her. She's counting on me to see this thing through, and I refuse to let her down.

Well, I guess that's enough of my whining and moaning and self pity. Somebody call me the whaaaaambulence.